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Spike/Dawn - Game 1 - Post 14 - Holding On To Forever
holding_forever
auburnhaze1
Spike/Dawn - Game 1 - Post 14


I eye him angrily. I don’t know how he found me, but I’m pissed that he did. Just once I wanted to do something right, not screw it up.

He says he can’t leave now, and that there’s someone here to talk to us. I groggily look around him and see some lady standing near the door. She’s new, no one I’ve ever seen before; no one I care to see right now either.

I look back to Spike, “Go away.”

I try again as forceful as my drained body will allow. I’m not in the mood for any of his shit right now. I’m tired. I’m done. I just want to die, and I’m not just being a dramatic little sister when I say that either.
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spike_survives From: spike_survives Date: September 18th, 2006 04:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
I get angry looking at her. I want to shake her until she snaps out of it. After all she did, after all it passed between us, friendship and betrayal and hurt, she wants to give up like this?!

"Tell us what you needed to say," I say to the Celestine trying to contain the anger, and the urge to walk out of the house and out of Dawn's life for good.

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll do my best to be direct, clear and concise. When Mr. Spike hired me, without your knowledge, I'm sure," Celestine says, looking at Dawn, "he wanted to find out if there was some sort of hex on you. It turned out that it was. Sometime in the past, when you were still very young, he used his hypnotic vampire power to instill a suggestion in your subconscious The hypnotic suggestion is used by vampires to..."

"I know what it's bloody used for!" I snap at her. I used it in the past. I don't want to hear it said aloud, to Dawn. It's used to enslave humans, as cattle or as sex toys. To bend them to your will so that they'd do anything for you.

"I didn’t..."

"I don't think you did it on purpose. Although you were the one making the inquiry, I still believed you did it on purpose, until tonight. After the recent events, I tend to believe it was an accident. What's more, I think you didn't even realize you had done it. It doesn't change much, does it? You imprinted her when she was very young and now she's bound to you. I'm glad to see it goes both ways, though. I had nothing of yours to be able to make sure, so I read you tonight."

She turns to Dawn.

"He tried to kill himself earlier. You are so strongly bonded... you can't live without him. You can tell him to go away as much as you want, but unless you shatter the suggestion, you will still need him."

Is there a way out? Can I undo all the harm my stupidity did to her? Do I want to? It felt so good to be around her, inside her. Her love was so strong and unconditional. Except it wasn't, was it? It is nothing more than a conditioning from me straight into her mind.

"Here's a list of ingredients for the potion and the ritual you have to perform to break the spell," Celestine says, putting a sheet of paper on the bed next to Dawn. "Here's my bill," she says, giving me another paper.

I wince looking at the tally, but I go in my room to get the wallet and pay her.
From: auburnhaze1 Date: September 18th, 2006 08:21 pm (UTC) (Link)

When Spike leaves the room, I look to this Celestine creature. Where does he find these people?

I start to ask a question of her, my mouth opens but I cannot force the words out. I’m lost, my mind still hazy from the blood loss, but I know, deep in my subconscious that I need to know whether he loves me or not. Whether the mojo he accidentally used on me all those years ago has affected *his* feelings or whether its just me playing the love struck puppy dog.

”He does,” Celestine says simply.

Great, she’s a mind reader, how much more suck can my life get.

The batty-looking old woman starts to respond to my unspoken words but shuts her mouth when Spike rushes back in my room.

He thrusts a wad of bills in her hand and whispers something low to her so that I cannot hear. She smiles, nods and walks out of my house and I’m guessing my life as well.

I look to Spike. I’m still furious with his intrusion.

“What?” I bite out angrily.

I refuse to go easy on him. If he has the right to get all pissy with me for doing the mind-fuck on accident, he’s in for a rude fucking awakening if he thinks I’m going to kiss him for mind-fucking me as a little girl.
spike_survives From: spike_survives Date: September 18th, 2006 08:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
Great! I'm at the groveling stage again. Having a soul sucks! I walk to her window, turning my head to look at her when I speak, but keeping enough distance to be able to get the words out.

"I'm sorry, kitten. I had no idea. We were all messed up that summer, remember?"

It could only have happened that summer, after Buffy died, and I had to take care of her. I try to think back. What exactly had I done to get so deep in her mind and soul?

"I think it was all those times I told you I'd be around, and you'd be safe with me. I swear to you, I didn't do it on purpose."

I swallow, knowing I have to own up to one more horror from my distant past.

"I've done it on purpose before."
From: auburnhaze1 Date: September 19th, 2006 01:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
I pull the blanket around me tighter; my room suddenly feels like the Artic. I’m not sure what to say to Spike. To know that he has deliberately put someone under his, what did Buffy call it when that dummy Dracula waltzed into town?

Thrall?

To know he used his own thrall to control someone; someone human….I’m speechless, and that’s a feat for me.

I decide to stay silent, let him do the talking if he wishes. Spike can either explain himself, try to sway my quickly slipping opinion of him, or stay silent and let the cards fall where they may.

Either way, the ball is still in his court.

spike_survives From: spike_survives Date: September 19th, 2006 02:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
No reproaches and no words of forgiveness come from her. I never realized how much her trust and adoration meant to me. Until now, when it is too late.

You lucky bastard, Angelus! You know what you have to do to lose your soul. I'm stuck with mine. And although humans often choose to do the wrong thing, I can't.

Right then! I did it, I'm undoing it. For all the good it'll do. I can shatter the suggestion, but I can't give her back the time she wasted pining after me.

"Nature of the beast, Pet," I tell her, tearing myself away from my place by the window. "Comes with needing blood to survive and having no soul."

I'll have to check if the potion and the ritual really do what Celestine said, of course, but I have a feeling that she was on the level. I reach to take the list of ingredients for the potion that will free her. The paper is on the bed, next to her. I'm suddenly vividly aware of the fact that she's naked under the blanket I wrapped hurriedly around her.

I know I could make all that anger disappear if I just touched her. I could make her melt under my kisses. She had power over me for little over a day and if it hadn't been for Andrew's interruptions I'd still be fucking her. I had five years and all I've done is kept her safe. I don't dare look up into her eyes. I freeze for a moment before I grab the piece of paper.
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